Why Separated Parents Should Plan Christmas Parenting Arrangements Early

Don’t wait until the school holidays begin to work out Christmas child arrangements. As Christmas lights begin to appear in shops and on our streets, many separated parents find their minds turning to a familiar worry: Where will the children spend the holiday this year?

Parenting arrangements that work smoothly the rest of the year can suddenly feel strained when school breaks up in December and the usual routines change. Even families with well-established schedules sometimes struggle to agree on how to divide Christmas and New Year.

The festive period brings additional challenges

Beyond the question of Christmas Day itself, there are many factors parents need to consider early, such as:

• Extended family time: How will children see grandparents and other relatives who play a big part in their lives?
• Travel logistics and costs: Who will do the driving or organise the children’s journeys to and from each parent, and how will the expenses be shared?
• New partners: How do new relationships fit into these plans, while keeping children’s wellbeing at the centre?

These issues can quickly become stressful if left until the last minute. Every year, lawyers and mediators see a rise in enquiries from separated parents who are unable to reach an agreement on Christmas arrangements as December approaches.

Why early planning matters

Christmas should be a special time for children. But uncertainty around holiday plans can create anxiety for both parents and young people. Early communication and planning offer several benefits:

• Reduced stress: Both parents know where they stand, and disagreements are less likely to escalate.
• Certainty for children: Children cope best when they know what to expect and can look forward to time with both sides of their family.
• More time to solve practical problems: Whether it’s transport, presents, family gatherings, or religious celebrations, early planning makes everything smoother.

Tips for Negotiating Christmas Child Arrangements

To help separated parents navigate this period calmly and constructively, here are practical tips that keep the focus firmly on the children’s best interests:

• Start the conversation early: Early planning allows time to explore options without the pressure of the holiday countdown.
• Put the children’s experience first: Consider what would make the holiday season feel stable and enjoyable for the children, not just what works best for the adults.
• Be flexible with the format: Christmas can be celebrated in more than one way. Many families have two Christmas days, alternate years, or share the holiday period creatively.
• Keep conversations away from the children: Avoid discussing disagreements within earshot of the children. This protects the children from unnecessary worry and being caught in the middle of conflict.
• Confirm plans in writing: Once agreed, put arrangements in writing, either via text, email, or a shared calendar to avoid misunderstandings. Separated parenting apps are often really helpful with communication and organising busy schedules.
• Allow for travel and fatigue: Set realistic handover times that consider journey lengths, weather, and the children’s need for rest.
• Respect important traditions: Where possible, preserve the customs and routines that matter to the children in both households.
• Coordinate gifts: Discuss present plans to avoid duplication and reduce pressure. Joint gifts can reinforce cooperation between parents.
• Consider the role of new partners carefully: Agree on what feels appropriate for the children and communicate respectfully about boundaries.
• Plan for the unexpected: Illness, bad weather or last-minute changes can happen. Agree in advance how these will be addressed. This will help maintain flexibility and calm.
• Present a united front: Once arrangements are finalised, share them with the children in a positive, consistent way.

How Mediation can help

If discussions become difficult, a family mediator can help parents explore options and create a holiday plan that fits their unique circumstances. Mediation provides a calm, neutral environment where both voices are heard and the focus stays firmly on what works best for the children.

As we head into the festive season, don’t leave it until the week before Christmas to start these conversations. Getting arrangements in place now will give everyone clarity, minimise conflict, and give your children the best chance of enjoying a happy, relaxed Christmas break.

Want to know more about family Mediation?

Blanchards Law offers specialist advice and representation as well as family Mediation services to help separated parents navigate child arrangements with confidence and care.

We are here to support you in creating a Christmas plan that works for the whole family.

Email: jg@blanchardslaw.co.uk

Call: 0333 322 6302