Busting the Myths About Child Inclusive Mediation

Mediation can be very helpful in looking at what the arrangements for the children are following a divorce or permanent separation, so that the children spend significant amounts of time with each parent. However, thoughts often turn to “Child Inclusive Mediation” (CIM); i.e. the children themselves meeting with the mediator, if the children will not express a view as to what they want to happen or if there is a dispute between the parents as to the child’s wishes.

In these situations, the parents’ legal advisors will often enquire about child inclusive mediation as a possible solution. However before any such decision is made, we must consider whether it is appropriate, and the motives which have led to it being proposed.

• The children have to be over ten years old – FALSE. If the family group includes one ten year old then they can all be seen, individually and as a group, and sometimes children under ten years old can be seen, depending on maturity

• The children can be told to see the mediator – FALSE. Both parents and the children need to consent to seeing the mediator

• Any Family lawyer can be a Mediator – FALSE. You do not need to be a lawyer to be a Mediator but it does help. To become a Mediator you have to undertake specialist training  and about two thirds of trained mediators undertake further study to become ‘Accredited’ , which demonstrates experience and expertise.

• Accredited Mediators need further training to see Children in mediation – TRUE. Mediators are required to undertake further training to be able to see children and there are only 333 child-inclusive mediators registered with the Family Mediation Council.

• There is a lot of preparation before the child(ren) are seen – TRUE. There is a pre-CIM parental session where the children’s wider family and likes and dislikes and hobbies are discussed. The mediator will write and introduce herself to the children.

• What the children say is confidential – TRUE. The child(ren) have to agree to feedback being given to their parents and the words to be used. Even if there is no feedback, there is still a post CIM parental session as no feedback is itself of note.

• The children are asked for the answer to the parents’ issues – FALSE. There is no agenda when the children are seen although the pressing issues do tend to come to the fore. The children are seen in order to give them a voice in their parents’ mediation and not a choice over the arrangements.

• The Court can order Child Inclusive Mediation and request that the mediator provides a statement to the Court – PARTLY TRUE AND FALSE. The Court can order Child Inclusive Mediation but this is always subject to the Child(ren) consenting. The Mediator cannot be ordered to provide a Statement.

If you need support on this matter and are looking for guidance on how to best tackle the event of a divorce or separation where children are involved, please contact us today to speak to a member of the team.